Is that allowed? I’m not really sure. I mean…. ‘I’m a mom.’ A full time mom too, I dont get to just leave for numberous days for no ‘real’ reason, do I? Afterall, I get the hours between 9-10 pm and dont complain because after all, there was years I didnt even get that much time in a day, let alone in an entire week…

The guilt of leaving started to settle this past weekend. I was getting my kids lives prepped for me to be away. All the laundry was done, kitchen stalked for meals, house was super clean (I tell myself if I leave it spotless it will keep the toy chaos at bay), kids showered extra long to push showers off until I get back, appointments shuffled, carpool rearranged, mommy shirts provided for kids to snuggle with while I’m away, and of course ‘separation anxiety control’ by arranging perfectly placed distractions for my 3 three little ones. Wow…! this was so much more than just packing extra snacks, jackets and water bottles for a normal playdate at the park. “Is this really ok?” I thought, “Can I really do this?” “Can I really just leave?”…

Monday morning…. I was so excited! This trip I booked months ago was finally here. I had thought I would have visited her sooner. I really wanted to, but yet, after 17 years of good intentions & wishful thinking… I finally made it happen! Someone asked, “Where are you going!!??” I answered “I have no idea actually.” It turns out my tickets were booked for Detroit and that is in fact in Michigan, lol. I had no idea of either things because until now it just didn’t matter, all that mattered is I would get some time with my souls favorite somebody.

Monday night I felt overwhelmed; not with the going away feelings but of the coming back emotions… because the missing would be even stronger now. I imagined myself home again come Friday and everything would be the same. Within a day it be forgotten that I had ever left… but for me, that playdate may have to hold me over for another 17 years so I searched for a new perspective to explain to my kiddos, to relieve any guilt, to let myself be a priority somewhere on the endless list of other people…

As my kids said they would miss me… I said guys, “You know how you miss your friends and it’s only be 4 months? Leela… you know how badly you missed Mia until you saw her again?” Now imagine (if that’s even possible) that that missing went on for 17 years? If you got to talk weekly but schedules didn’t align for almost 2 decades… how excited would you be to get a playdate?’ Their eyes widened and their hearts softened and they said, “Go mommy! Have fun!”

I really need to go on more mommy playdates more often, even if just once a year. They are good for the soul in so many ways… it’s ok to take time for you, it’s needed, it’s essential… it’s really quite beautiful too. We are mom’s yes, mostly even. Yet, we are also so many other parts too. Sometimes we just need a shower, or a house cleaner, or something so simple as a stop at Starbucks alone… but other times we just need a playdate no matter what our age. Shawn, thank you for being my souls favorite secret keeper. I love that we had this week, & I love that in this crazy world of mommyhood, I get to know someone as incredible as you…. love you!