The Gist:
God whispered to me & We moved to Colorado 2 months ago! It’s been amazing! It turns out when God talks to you & you listen… He has even more to say. This next season of being me is not just about me being brave ~ but, me not being shy about it either. Side-note: Today I was given a bouquet of white daisies, in which I smashed my face into them & sobbed healing tears. I highly recommend this if you’ve never tried it, both the face in a bouquet of flowers as well as the healing tears, both therapeutic. Oh & it snowed this morning! So beautiful!!

& Here’s the Non-Gist/More ‘Me’ version of life written over a cup of chai tea:

I never understood how it was possible to be afraid of being confident or beautiful or good at something. Instead, we’ve been told that your supposed to be embarrassed when you look ridiculous or when your life doesn’t match everyone else’s or you aren’t good at something. Yet, I’ve always been in that first category- afraid to show people how happy I am or how beautiful my life is. I’ve found myself in so many conversations over the years where people are complaining about their life & I nod agreeably even when I don’t actually understand their points of views, just so that didn’t feel so alone in theirs. There is a place for that yes, as long as those same head nodding people can see thru other people’s gray perspectives & still see their beauty & worth within themselves. Its ok to have a beautiful life, to be beautiful & to humbly know your strengths. It’s where our true self should live, more often, than many of ours do.

It all started when I was little. I couldn’t miss a soccer goal if I tried, yet in games I would never take the shot. If I had, people would know…. Know that I had an amazing aim & kick. As a child, having people see how good I was at something or how pretty I was, was my biggest fear, so I would purposefully mess up my hair to get less attention & in many areas of life, would just not take the shot. It’s really quite silly when I think about it, but when I see my daughter asking to make sure she doesn’t match so she doesn’t look cute so she can steer clear of attention I begin to realize this odd behavior doesn’t just belong to me.

So here’s me….

Lately I was brave. Brave beyond any amount I had been before. God has been whispering to me quietly that He was already here waiting, friends have promised to continue always cheering me on. God had called me forward in my life to change my kids’ lives & I was scared, but I listened. Well, first I had a severe emotional breakdown that lasted most of the month of May. Lol. True story. Yet, I still followed His leading because He has always kept me safe while also letting me live the dreams I keep inside that I rarely even voice, even to myself.

So we moved to Colorado 2 months ago. It brought beauty that surpasses any that I had ever known. It brought me face to face with myself. It showed me just how strong I was even in my weakness. It is peaceful. It is balanced. It is honest. It is me.

Yesterday my kids played with all the neighbor kids out front interchanging between baseball, scooters, & outdoor dinner picnics. The crisp air filled my soul while the autumn leaves rustled like music notes across our feet. I heard ‘savor this’, so I did. We swapped out the have-to-do list with the happiness list & it is a decision I will never forget. So many nights are like this these days. I smile so often as teardrops of curiousity, awe, & clarity fill my eyes & I whisper…” Why God? Why did you give me them? Why did you give me this beautiful life?” He sometimes whispers back… “Because you listened to me. The more you trust me, the more Ill teach you how to fly.” That was yesterday.

Today. This morning the weather shifted down 40 degrees in one night & we woke up to it snowing! My kids played in the snow before school. Isaiah ran out to play & got his pants wet, but didn’t care because alas, he has made a snow angel. Leela collected a bucket of snow to savor for later & Gabe stood at the window soaking in all of it beauty. Never again will any of us have today; the first day we have ever woken up to a yard full snow. There will always only be one today.

Seasons. They are beautiful. Personal seasons can sometimes be scary. I feel like people will judge me for not being scared, but I am stronger than I’ve ever been, more beautiful on the inside than I ever dreamt possible, & more balanced than I had hoped to become in a lifetime. I’m not scared of being brave, but showing it can intimidate me because oddly there are people that want you to be unhappy, that don’t realize God can fill the ‘hole’ inside you and make you ‘whole’ quicker than anyone could pray it for you. I’ve tried to be quiet because not everyone has the perspective I do, nor have they walked the path I have, but I just can’t anymore. I can’t keep pretending to fit in peoples boxes because I wasn’t meant for a box, not even my own.

God whispered. I listened! I was brave! I was so damn nervous but I was so damn brave too! Wherever, God leads you, be brave in the little things until it all adds up to the big things…& then get ready, because God will give you even bigger things to get on board to be brave about & all of it will be just as beautiful as you are…